Gone with the Wind starring Justin Bieber and Kim Kardashian

Bieber, Kardashian, Gone with the Wind!

It was an exciting day for us. We had a chance to interview James Cameroon the producer/director of the remake of Gone with the Wind starring Justin Bieber and Kim Kardashian.

In spite of the two hundred million dollar cost of producing the new Gone with the Wind, we noticed that James Cameroon’s office was modest and unimposing as we entered. We felt very much at ease.

A secretary asked us to be seated as Mr. Cameroon would be with us in a minute.

In no time, James Cameroon himself entered the office from a side door.

“Hi, I’m Jim,” said Mr. Cameroon with a friendly smile. He was an unimposing fellow, short and fat, and seemed to be somewhere in his forties or fifties.

We explained to Mr. Cameroon that we were reporters from JohnHarding.com, and were here to get some background information on his epic re-make of Gone with the Wind.

“Youse come to the right place,” smiled Mr. Cameroon.

We felt quite at ease with the great man.

Before we could ask a single question, Cameroon took off on an explanation of Gone with the Wind, and its stars, Bieber and Kardashian.

“Dis here film is gonna cost two hundred million dollars to produce—easy. Justin and Kim are getting thirty million apiece. Nice chunk’a change, huh?”

“Who is going to finance the film?” we asked.

“Nobody,” said Cameroon.

“Nobody?”

“Yeah, the entire thing is financed by product placements. You know, like there is an iPad on the dining table a Black and Decker toaster in the kitchen and stuff like that.”

“But, did they have those things in Civil War days?”

“Izzy,” shouted a voice from the other room. Cameroon took no notice of it.

“Well, yeah, of course, I just wanted to give you an easy example. We can have lawnmowers and stuff like that. They can be drinkin’ Pepsi or milk—ya know milk is big now.”

“But?”

“Izzy, the phone ain’t workin’,” came a shout from the other room.

“Who is ‘Izzy?” we asked.

“Nah—that was my partner—he was shouting ‘Is he’ not ‘Izzy.'”

Taking another angle on the film we asked if Justin Bieber could handle a manly role like Clark Gable. Especially the scene where Clark Gable runs up the stairs, carrying Vivian Lee. “It is hard to think that Justin Bieber could run up those stairs carrying Kim Kardashian.”

“Yeah, know what ya mean—Kim’s gotta a lotta beef on her,” laughed Cameroon, “We could’a got Schwarzenegger, but he don’t speak English too good.”

Cameroon continued, “Youse guys don’t know anything about the movies or the way that scene was done. They used something like Pixar animation, pixel stuff—pixels.”

“Yes, but Pixar didn’t exist and those days.”

“Pixar, did I say Pixar? In dat scene, the figure of Clark Gable was actually drawn by the Disney studios cartoonists. It was just a cartoon. It wasn’t really happening.”

“It sure didn’t look like a cartoon.”

“Yeah, it could have been one of them stop motion things where he would take one step and then they would click take the frame and then take another step, click, you know, they did stuff like that back in those days, like King Kong.”

“Yes, I see.”

“No, the only problem I had with Justin Bieber was the deciding between him and Ben Stiller. Stiller really wanted the role but I just didn’t see him in make-out scenes with Kim Kardashian, so we went with Bieber. Also, Stiller wanted his mom in the movie playing that maid that said, ‘I don’t know nothin’ ’bout birthin’ babies!’—go figure.”

“I see.”

“Izzy, did you pay the phone bill?” came the voice again from the other room,

We decided to ignore the voice and instead ask Cameroon about the curious similarity between his name and that of the director of Titanic, James Cameron.

“Ain’t no similarity between names so far as I know. Don’t think he’s Italian like me but we are in some ways a bit similar. I love the sea. He does all that deep sea diving. I got a mask and snorkel and I’m going down there and taking a look at what is under the water just like that there James Cameron guy you mentioned. Our deep sea stuff is our only similarity—and producing and directing big time movies. Still, my name gets a lotta respect with them there head waiters.”

“Izzy!” came the voice again from the other room.

“Hey guys,” said Cameroon, “Love, ya, but I gotta go. It’s the first of April. Great talking to youse. Be sure to give a good write up on my film starring Kim and Justin they’s great kids.”

We thanked James Cameroon and left.